my waterwings

It’s 22:25 and I’m still at the office. My colleague put on some music from the gramophone era. Creaky vinyl and black and white film. I haven’t had my dinner and my eyes hurt. I am stressed, can’t you tell? My week had been crazy. If deadlines were living creatures, they’d be monsters that stick close to you with their reptilian fingers wrapped around your arm. They’d have smelly breath too… an onslaught of fish markets, onion and garlic.

Whenever I get stressed, I don’t think a lot—this I have to admit. My brain shuts off partially to an auto-pilot mode. Don’t talk about feelings and emotions with me during this time because it will come out constipated and diced. I will frustrate myself and you.

However, I do enjoy the times when I don’t have to think a lot. Little activities and gestures that remind me how it’s ok, that things will be fine and good. Here are some of the many:

Grass and bare feet. Naked stars and being alone.
When I was younger, my sister and I would lie on our beds and stare up at the dark ceiling. We’d create stories with characters and a plot. She’d come up with a scene and I will continue, not unlike storytelling ping-pong. Sometimes I got so carried away I cried for the characters like in a movie. But in between stories I’d close my eyes and imagine walking in the universe and wondering if I’d reach the edge of it. I usually picture myself scratching at nothing, only finding more to the universe but never the end of it.

Underwater handstands.
Because it messes me up. Everything is upside down, downside up. I can’t hold it for long so it usually ends up being an underwater somersault. I’m not a pro. Yet.

Drawing portraits without the chin.
I used to draw human faces that resemble a dog’s face profile. Don’t imagine.
Now, I draw them chinless. Not that great, but still an improvement. I think.

Wholegrain bread, butter (loads), ground black pepper, ham/bacon, mustard, zucchini slices, salsa/hot sauce (chunky)/ketchup, black olives and cheese. Let me know if I missed out anything. No, I don’t like raw onions.

I met a mute old lady in the alley behind my office today. She had huge glasses, pink pajamas-looking two-piece and a packet of cat food. We couldn’t communicate fluently and she had her own sign language system. Male = two fingers drawing a moustache on her face. Female = both hands touching her ears. And ever since my grandma passed away last year, I’ve had this inkling to “adopt” every old person… or rather, have them adopt me.

Alright, I should leave the office soon. Have better days ahead.



  1. i’m curious about the book in that photot – is it factual or a novel? interesting? your tales of trying to reach the end of the universe reminded me of when i was little, how i used to try to reach narnia by closing myself in the wardrobe and feeling through to the back, past all of the coats and all…. i guess this will only make sense if you have read ‘the lion, the witch and the wardrobe’! …have you?have a good weekend, i hope you got out of the office before too much later! :)

  2. agung

    i so, so, so love the grass and bare feet one under the solar system.i relate.

  3. thundered cat

    nà: it’s factual although i haven’t tried every suggestion in the book to know if they all work. no, i didn’t read narnia… i saw the film though. i didn’t really like reading when i was younger. i preferred drawing and picture books but i didn’t (and still don’t) understand why kids love(d) enid blyton… dave: did you catch the eclipse last month? i had to settle for live streaming.

  4. agung

    i was a few minutes late. i caught a ‘sabit’ portion of it.was inside a church meeting when it started.:(

  5. Anonymous

    I’m sorry for intrusion into your personal world.But I’m really fascinated by your creations :)You live a very interesting life!It’s just a comment from a girl from another universe.

  6. thundered cat

    hello to the girl from another universe :)thank you. life is interesting.

  7. Anna

    You should seriously write a book with little photographs and word-vignettes like this. So creative and beautiful.

  8. thundered cat

    thanks!that’s sweet of you :)i’ve had that thought, but it wasn’t a serious thought… but who knows? maybe.

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