together we are enough

So I got my test photos developed and the camera is dandy. I finally peeled off the price tag. It’s a keeper.

I was just pondering about this thing that I’m doing—the just-in-case habit. Keep the price tag on, just in case you find out the camera is messed up. Take this along, just in case it rains. Keep this, you might need it one day. Write it down. Take a photo. Record it. Maybe I just desperately want to remember things and have the memories with me forever.

I’m a memory hoarder. Maybe.

Yet there are some areas in my life where the just-in-case habit doesn’t apply. My car has insurance that someone else is paying and I don’t have insurance because I can’t afford it. My health “is not covered” and they say anything can happen. I’d never know.

I don’t want to know.

There are things I can never take with me and there would be things that will follow me. Some things I carry unconsciously. Some things I leave behind by choice.

A few minutes ago I let my dog out to pee and caught the sky exploding in streaks of lightning. It was quiet and beautiful. White-yellow lightning echoed orange in the clouds. And I didn’t have my camera with me. Strangely, it felt good. I don’t want to photograph something out of the fear of losing it. It was me, my dog and the sky. I was in the company of greatness.

My dog, being blind and slightly schizophrenic (understatement), was darting here and there but it was a good moment. We have nothing to remember it by, but somehow, it felt “enough.” We have enough, we don’t need more.

I know, my scanner caught some dirty lately. But I’m in no rush to clean it yet.

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10 comments

  1. Jun

    manual cameras…….. so attached to manual cameras, manual developing. “perhaps i should take the cam out in case something beautiful happens” – occurs to me so often. i think that’s why they invented the camera phone.”maybe i should bring the ipod along – train rides seem so much better with music”……slowly maybe, i will learn how to get rid of such attachments. or maybe just take breaks to balance things – like with you and your dog – nothing else in between to distract you from the moment of “the now”.still, memories and preserving them (visuals, text, scent, sounds) — sigh, isn’t it just wonderful that we can.

  2. agung

    what cassette is that? chinese?

  3. thundered cat

    jun: i get what you mean about the ipod thing. it’s one of those things i carry around unconsciously. which is scary… cos i don’t think about whether i should anymore. i need to empty out my bag more often. i don’t need more, i need less.dave: heheh. that’s my grandma’s old cassette. teresa teng. old school.

  4. pitamos

    Wow, I like the effect! I’m looking for a camera that costs below RM200 (because that’s my budget). Looks like second-hand shops are the next best thing. :) Tell me, what’s ur recommendation? Thanks, Rach…

  5. hello, i hopped on over here via micasa. just wanted to comment that this blog is full of lots of magical words and photos! really beautiful… have a good day :)

  6. thundered cat

    deb: we’ll talk more. this space is too tiny :)nà: thank you so much. i didn’t even know maditi linked me till i saw your comment. thank you and nice to meet you!

  7. BenLuffy

    I can always keep that iPod for you, you know ;)

  8. karcarah - sCHIZOide MAN

    i love ur photos! amazing!!

  9. kat

    found ur link thru friends of friends…. :P totally relate with memory hoarding. nv could quite coin a term for it, so thanks. yea sometimes i get obsessed with capturing every single moment on film.. when in actual fact, sometimes the most wonderful memories are wonderful simply because they are shared with a select few, with ppl who matter…in our memory banks and not in a photo.

  10. Jun

    memory banks seem like a good deal.

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